trophy -vs- Momentum

...and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.   ^{Mark 12:30 (see also Duet 6:5, Mat 22:37 and Luke 10:2)}

When life gets hectic, we frequently run out of steam for the important things; often putting aside exercise of our heart, mind, soul and body. What begins then is the slow, seemingly insignificant [at that moment] Atrophy.   You remember Atrophy - it's the progressive partial or complete wasting away of that part of our body we are ignoring at that time.  And it applies as well to our emotional life, our spiritual life and thought life.  We wake up one day and know something has changed; we feel weaker, disconnected from our spouse, and others we love, and unable to hear God through His Word, our prayers and from others. 

On the other side of things, is Momentum.  Ahh, the wonders of forward healthy movement due to the actions we engage in regularly with a pure heart, good conscience and sincere faith ^{(1 Tim 1:5)}.  As we embrace wise and godly actions in our marriage, our spiritual lives, and develop a more purposeful heart for God and people, our entire life is borne on an intimacy with God that brings hope and joy.  

 






Ok then, you and I don’t want to be pickles – but how do we change, how do we get to be joy filled lovers again? 

 It takes a hot-start-jolt between Atrophy and Momentum that rests in our hands.  God has already done His part, giving us the commanding roadmap in the above verses.  Loving the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and thoughts now rests on our WILL.  What "will' we do with it?

 We begin by recognizing the Atrophy where it exists in our lives - and recognize too that Momentum has a down side as well as an upside.  If, for example, we are not exercising in one of those four areas of our life, the Momentum crouches there, leading us toward further apathy and deeper Atrophy.

 Once we recognize that we have a problem area, we can choose to ignore it, and face further Atrophy.  That will distance us from others; or we can - by an act of our will – and with God's help, begin to challenge ourselves to exercise in the troubled area of our life.  
 

We can purpose to spend time differently with our spouse – reading a book together one night a week perhaps – being intentional to pray together each day.  The Momentum can kick in and keep you going as you sign up and attend a Marriage class or small group studies, and though you’ve heard it in this column before – go on regular dates with one another.

Look at the joy filled faces of a couple who have just fallen in love.  Consider that look in a couple that has been married 10, 25 or 50 years.   Then look around the church and see what pastors too often see on Sunday from the pulpit. My pastor  suggested  what he saw looked more like folks who’d been dipped in pickle juice, than Christ filled lovers.   I know that each one of us wants to look like those early lovers, when we reach each milestone in our own marriage.   Not only do we want that, our spouse, children, family, friends, and God desires that for us as well. 

Investor's Strategy for '09 and Beyond

Consider for a moment that a wise investor strategy can pay great dividends throughout your life, totally independent of both home values and stock market.

Recently I met with a man in his 40's who told me how he worked hard all day, putting in long hours and energy, and came home tired, just wanting to relax before the next day.  I asked him how much energy he had left for his wife and family, and his response was - not much.  He went on to share how he thought they should understand that times are tough, and that holding onto a job in a downsizing economy left him exhausted.

The Bible gives us pretty clear understanding in Matthew 22:37 that God desires us to place Him as our highest priority, giving honor to Him with our heart, soul and mind.  Next in His priority for our lives is "our neighbor".  Our wives/husbands certainly qualify as our closest neighbor.   Throughout the Scriptures we are exhorted to be good husbands and wives - so leaving little energy and time for them and giving our best to the job, seems to be reflect an upside down priority.

We all are challenged to be investors in personal holiness and our marriage.   Understand that God is not encouraging us to give poorly in our work - He calls us to excellence in all things.  If we save some of our prime energy for our spouse, we may grow in godliness, and that honors Him, and is good for all.  In these tough economic times, it's far too easy to put our focus on things that, while urgent, are askew of God's design for our lives.

How can you be a Marriage Investor?  

• First, invest quality time in your walk with Christ.   Sunday worship, small group studies and accountability to a same gender mentor/friend, prayer, and reading God's word are all important to our personal growth. 
• Second, plug into a Sunday School class in your church designed to help marriage deal with the common concerns all of us face - topics like communication, conflict resolution, expectations, listening, etc.
• Third, hold hands and pray together daily. One study shows that divorce occurs in only 1 of 1153 marriages that do this - pretty strong indication that daily prayer together is part of God's plan for our lives.
• Fourth, have regular date nights with your spouse, and weekly marriage staff meetings, both of which create opportunities for deeper relationship with them.  
• Fifth, read a book together like - Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti. by the Farrells
• Sixth, find a ministry where you can serve together.  Couples involved Ministry have found they can serve together, giving some of their best to their spouse, while serving in the church as well. 

Last month we talked about choosing to forgive - especially our husband/wife, as there will always be hurts to us, that are a result of their good intentions, or in some cases selfish and sinful words or actions.  The forgiveness model we chose for living our own lives was to Recall the hurt, Empathize with the offender, choose the Altruistic gift of forgiveness, Commit publicly to forgive, and Hold on to the forgiveness - or REACH,

This month we'll try to tackle the other side to the forgiveness question - seeking forgiveness from others when we become aware of our hurtful words or actions, whether they were unintentional or intentional.  Some may find it easier to forgive an erring spouse that to ask for it, and the chances are very good that swallowing our own pride, ego and selfishness and asking for forgiveness - goes down a lot harder.   It takes s truly humble heart to acknowledge our sin or error, and to ask for their forgiveness.

The Bible tells us that humility is the foundation for sincere and true acknowledgment of our wrong and sinful actions, followed by confession, and asking their forgiveness.  As confirmation for that, the Bible speaks of a humbled heart more than fifty times, often to remind us that we are called to be humble.  

Our societies scream messages that are dead set against God's word and work in our lives. but God calls us to model Christ, and reveals to us that Jesus is the perfect model of a heart humbled and yielded to God the Father.  Old Testament and New are also filled with other examples for us, challenging us to examine our heart for those places where pride has replaced humility.

If you have been snared with the words of your mouth, Have been caught with the words of your mouth,     Do this then, my son, and deliver yourself; Since you have come into the hand of your neighbor, Go, humble yourself, and importune your neighbor. Pro 6:2-3       No one is a closer 'neighbor' than our spouse.

When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom. Pro 11:2

It is better to be humble in spirit with the lowly Than to divide the spoil with the proud. Pro 16:19 

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God? Mic 6:8

Today is a wonderful day to examine our motives, our actions, and our thoughts.  As we allow God to reveal those things He would change in us - in our prayers, by His still small voice, by the wisdom of a friend, spouse, pastor or the Bible - we can take a few more steps toward that godliness He designed us for. 

Here are eight steps to help us in our desire to become the man or woman that would choose to do right things from our heart, rather than just from our head.

• Examine your heart regularly to check your motives using I Cor 13:1- , Eph 5:, Gal 5:19:23, etc. as a guide
  
• Ask God to help you identify your offenses to Him and others
• Root out where you have used blame, and choose instead to take responsibility for your offenses
  
• Seek to understand and to be able to acknowledge to God the pain caused by your actions
• With that understanding, acknowledge to the one offended, the pain caused by your actions or words
• Ask forgiveness for the specific offenses without the need to receive their forgiveness
  
• Make restitution where possible
• Show thankfulness to God for His forgiveness and to others when it is given to you

I close with a quote from Dallas Willard in a discussion from his DVD  series on "Renovation of the Heart". 

"The heart in good shape, is precisely the person who is prepared and capable of meeting all the circumstances of life in a power of godliness that enables them to respond, in a way that is right and is good." 

May your heart be in good shape, and may you meet God intimately as you ponder your actions and words in the days ahead, and seek to forgive and ask forgiveness in those circumstances revealed by the heart of God to your heart.

Frog in the Kettle  

In a recent issue of Conversations Magazine, Richard Foster wrote that he dreams of a day when "...those who follow hard after Jesus become known to all as experts in how to live well."  He goes on to quantify that as how, to love one's spouse well, face adversity well, study well, run businesses well, and yes how to die well.  Several years ago, John Stott wrote in Christianity Today that Christians have failed to be what they profess.  Why is that?  Often we fail there, fearful that living that way will ruin our lives - when in truth, living Christ-like is the only way to assure that we won't fail where it counts.

Ask God for such a deep understanding of the truths in Scripture that we become like a Daniel, or those 17th century believers who were slaughtered for their faith - yet from the hanging platform or tied to the stake as the fires licked upward, told their families to keep the faith, and forgave those who were putting them to death.   Christ set the model in His obedience to the Father, and these spiritual ancestors, lived out their lives modeling Christ likeness for us as well.

Instead of living like those models, we are, or have lived our lives, more like the proverbial frog in the kettle.   You remember the story I'm sure.  If you put a frog in a kettle of hot water, he'll jump out.  But if you put a frog in a kettle of cold water, and turn on the stove - you'll have frog's legs for supper.  Jumping out, or just as the frog is lulled into becoming supper, we can easily move to a life into mediocrity.  

If the divorce rate is any indication of the state of marriage outside and inside the Church, the vast majority of couples today are not living the abundant life at home. If we lull ourselves into a lifeless marriage, or bolt like a frog in hot water, we perpetuate a model for future generations that will only take them further from God and the abundant life He desires.   We are too often not living 'well' the life He gave us to live.

Farr too many couples also hop into marriage like frogs in hot water - not engaging in the soulful and experiential work with God and their spouse-to-be during their dating and engagement months.  When marriage doesn’t meet their expectations, they either hop out or are lulled into unhealthy patterns of mediocrity or worse.

We can become whole-life-disciples of Christ, and live out every day in the excellence of Christ-likeness, before our spouse, our family and the rest of the world.  While we will never 'arrive' at having all our heart's desires filled, we can choose and learn God's will for our lives, and become over-time the godly, Christ-like, sons, daughters, and spouses He desires.   It is there that we'll find the abundant life rooted in excellence, getting up each morning eager to see what He brings or allows in our day - be it good things or the sometimes ugly stuff of life.  With Christ abiding in our every thought - we can live out lives in ways that are pleasing to God.

We can choose not to be like either frog, for neither reflects God’s design on our lives.   We can choose to stay intentionally and interactively engaged with God and our spouse, allowing God to move freely in our lives guiding us to become a godlier husband or wife. The challenge today and  everyday is to become whole-life followers of Christ.

Recently a young woman, who had received our last Marriage KIT from a friend, wrote regarding our dependence on God, and in the course of e-mail discussions over the past few days it became apparent that her faith and most of her thoughts are pessimistic and negative.  She sees mostly trouble in the future, and finds it easy to blame others for her lot in life.

I've prayerfully pondered each response to her, giving her passages of hope from God's word, wanting her to connect hope with God.  In Dr. John Trent's LifeMapping, he offers the comparison of Life and Death - and they tie so appropriately to pessimism -vs- an optomistic hope.   One of the meanings of the word 'life' in the Greek is 'movement toward something', while the word 'death' means 'to step away'.  Pessimism and negativity easily and often bring death to our hope.

John says pessimism is a lifestyle choice.  It often leads to procrastination and fear - (fear of - failure, success, being controlled and intimacy).  It also leads to hopelessness, which is also learned, rather than innate.   Pessimism and hopelessness are often learned in the hard times in our lives, and understandably make relationships difficult.  The delusional and hope creating brain chemical cocktail of early romance will fade, and if pessimism becomes the lifestyle choice of one or both partners, it makes the marriage much harder work than normal.

On the other hand, hope easily leads to a more authentic and joy filled life - and allows relationships to grow toward one another, instead of away from each other.  John also believes that hopefulness is learned.  Larry Crabb suggests though, that for the believer there is in our soul a God placed tug toward a deeper relationship with God - and that HOPE is the result of responding to that tug.  Because hope, not pessimism, is God's plan, it comes easier for us to learn and is a choice we make taking us toward  healthy environments, where hopelessness is always learned in the harsh unhealthy things of life.

God's tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that His plan for our lives is good - filled with hope for the future.

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.'  Jer 29:11-13

It's not unusual for one of us in a marriage to be the more hopeful one, as all of us fall somewhere on the continuum between the two.

          Hopeless --------------------------------------------------------------- Hopeful

Marriage is designed by God to be a relationship that moves us toward each other, giving life, and hope.   The more hopeful of the two can do much to create that healthy environment for their marriage where pessimism is replaced by optomism and hope, by practicing an active trust in God, believing in a positive future, showing great self control and making hope filled choices themselves.   For the spouse that has learned a more pessimistic outlook on life, the choice is clear also. 

It is God's desire that we call on Him, praying for that change in us that brings us into a deeper and a life more aligned with God's will for our lives.   Wherever and whenever that pessimism trait sneaks into our thinking, we can rebuke it with God's word, and prayerfully ask God to help us want to want the change to a more hope filled life.

Heb 6:19  This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast...  1Pe 1:13  Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 

Independence Day

Perhaps it began as I thought about America's Independence Day celebrations, or when I considered how returning a free rental video to Blockbuster would cost us $2 in gas,  and read the latest poll which said "90% of Americans expect the pain at the gas pump to pose financial hardships in the next six months of their lives." ¹

But NO - this isn't a column on American Independence, or gasoline - but on marriage - yours and my own.  What we want to consider is, that unlike our desire for independence from Britain which had founded our nation, and the growing desire today for independence from foreign oil - there is also a desire for us to function with some independence from our spouse.

Did God design us with such notions ?   Are they right notions?   The short answer is yes - and no. 

The yes portion of the answer is that we are and always will be distinct individuals, with gifts and character, which are unique and necessary for the fulfillment of God's design on our individual lives.  We therefore must function with some independence from our spouse, as we discover in Jeremiah 29:11.   It is also the uniqueness that lies beneath the passage from Jeremiah 1 and Ephesians 2.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good, not evil, for a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I  formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you
Ephesians 2: 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works

A quick word study in both the OT and New  will reveal many more thoughts from God about our uniqueness in God's eyes, revealing our need and His plan for some independence from our spouse.   Note the little word - some - the concept crops up again further down in this article.

So we should be about the business of living out of His plan for our lives with vision and intention, celebrating our uniqueness and our independence of thought.  Intertwined with our independence, is a growing dependence in trusting Him for the deeper things in our life.

Part two of the answer though is that we are not to be fully independent from our spouse - any more than we are to be independent from God.   God has told us that we are to leave and cleave from the earlier dependency we had with our family.   The cleaving is to gain a healthy dependence on God and our spouse, so we find the plan for our marriage and family that would honor Him.

Further reflection on Jeremiah 29:11, also suggests that God's plan for our lives, is uniquely intertwined with Him AND our spouse.

Again there are many passages on marriage and family to draw upon to build the healthy dependency on God and each other.  It's not in finishing each other's thoughts, it's bringing our unique thoughts to one another - sharing our heart and soul with the one person in our world who is the safest human on earth for us.   And it is building a kind of relationship which makes one another that kind of safe with the other. 

It is in gaining balance - maintaining some independence and some dependence - and learning what is healthy and unhealthy for us that brings glory to God.   Bringing glory to God in our lives makes our marriage uniquely fitted for transforming our own lives, the lives of our family and community to a society reflecting Him to the rest of the world.   That balance also needs regular alone-time and solitude with God to help us thrive in our ever deepening walk with Christ.

Who's Keeping Score ?    

" For man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. " 1 Sam 16:7
 " He knows the secrets of the heart. "Psalm 44:21
 "The heart of man reflects the man. "Prov 27:19
"The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?  "Jer 17:9 
"I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds. "Jer 17:10 

My hope is in the Lord,
who gave Himself for me.
And paid the price of all my sins at Calvary.
For me He died, for me He lives,
And everlasting light and life He freely gives.

No merit of my own, His anger to suppress,
My only hope is found in Jesus' righteousness.
For me He died, for me He lives,
And everlasting light and life He freely gives.

And now for me He stands, before the Father's throne,
He shows His wounded hands, & names me as His own.
For me He died, for me He lives,
And everlasting light and life He freely gives.

His grace has planned it all, 'tis mine but to believe,
And recognize His work of love, and Christ receive
For me He died, for me He lives,
And everlasting light and life He freely gives

                                                                Norman J. Clayton, 1903-1992

Conformed to the Image of Christ – Part II

 Last month we explored the mistaken approach that most of us make – wanting to see change in our spouse – without considering our own need to grow and change.  We miss how that often ties into our also mistaken view that coming to Christ without personal growth, is about the same as buying a paid up life insurance policy.  Once done – we have to do nothing until we die.  

 The bible tells us that there is far more to the gospel than death insurance – it’s important to God that we become all that He created us to be; a journey that will be life-long.  The bible calls it being conformed to the image of Christ and transformed by the renewing of our minds.

 This transformation is not something that comes by osmosis – it comes by personal and interactive with Christ, intentional choices on our part.   One exciting aspect of transformation is that it takes us well beyond just coming to Christ without personal growth, into the stream of living water that flows from a walk with Jesus.  It comes by choice, not by feelings, it comes by taking responsibility for me, not others – it comes from falling down on my face before the God who knew me before creation, and who formed me in my mother’s womb, and who has a plan and purpose for my life that is awesome (because it is His plan).

 So, why is it that we are more concerned with change in our spouse than ourselves?  Dallas Willard says that most often it is a stirring of our prideful selves in our desire for control.  He goes on in his book Renovation of the Heart to say that “the greatest threat to Gods’ kingdom is mine” [the kingdom of “me”].

 As we concern ourselves more about how others should change, we are acting out that hunger for control, and we become lost.  When we’re lost, sometimes we’ll not know it, but those times when we do, we need to cling to the understanding that we’re not worthless – just misplaced and distant from God – and that we’ll remain there until we surrender to Him and give up our wildly mistaken thought that we are in control.

 If you’ve never felt dissatisfaction with your relationship with Christ, may I suggest that you pray for it?   A deep interpersonal walk with Jesus seems to be a common thread in the lives of those whom we’d look at as godly and used powerfully by Him.    Since somewhere in my soul the stirring of God does quietly call to me, when I ask Him to stir it more to create that hunger for Him, it’s a prayer that He always answers - in His way and His time.  Oh, but the joy that comes from heeding His call, and  staying the course to pray for it.  As George Müeller said – finding that happy place in Christ each day is more important than how we might serve Him.

 If you acknowledge even the hint of the inspired dissatisfaction with your life today – that’s Good!  It doesn’t mean  that life is bad.  It’s not about your husband or wife.  It’s simply that God is there calling quietly to your heart for YOU to yield to Him.  That slight discomfort or gnawing pain can only be changed, with any permanence, as you yield and walk with Him.  Anything else will just be medication, and will satisfy only for a time. 

 And if, like so many Christians, you aren’t sure you want to live that close to God, may we suggest that you ask Him to stir that desire in you.  Larry Crabb suggests that we pray, asking “to want to want, what we don’t want now in our walk and life with Christ.”  It’s a concept we truly have to think about to grasp.  

 As we do begin to want that transformation, our life will never be the same.   What can be better than walking through life with an ever deepening trust in the One who personally created us and directs it all.

 In Micah 6:8 God tells us that He requires us to walk humbly with Him.  Prostrating ourselves before Him in our heart may begin with our looking to Hosea 7:14 for inspiration.  There it tells us that God longs to redeem us (to restore us from our lost state), but that we “wail from our beds, instead of crying from our heart”.  How often in my prayer life, do I ask for relief, to understand, or control something?   It’s treating God like He’s a puppet to fulfill my desire for control is at best – foolish.  But when I cry from my heart just to find Him and to simply dwell in the presence of Christ with joy, and not to think I can manipulate Him for my gain – that’s when the full power of God comes to me and often through me to others.  Praise God.

 It’s there we find that doing the right thing, the things Jesus would have done, becomes more and more the passion of our lives.

 With thanks to God for His infallible Word, and for George Müeller, Dallas Willard and John Ortberg for stimulating thoughts of my own journey here today.   Here are links to an audio presentation from Dallas Willard and a tract written by George Müeller.    Don Farr

http://www.ncs-az.net/dallaswillard.htm

http://www.ncs-az.net/M%FCller.pdf

Being Conformed to the Image of Christ   
- Part I - 

Split Rock Lighthouse, Two Harbors, Minnesota ?

Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.  Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.  In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.  James 1:16-18

 ---------------------------------------

 Like many things, words, pictures and lighthouses can be a delight to our heart, yet subtly deceptive.  What looks like Split Rock Lighthouse above is actually a small clever copy that sits on the shore, not of Minnesota, but Lake Havasu, Arizona.   The wreath and light inside are mere computer generated additions.

 We share it with you on our 2007 Christmas card, not only because it is as close as we got to a lighthouse this year, but also because it well illustrates how easily God’s children may be deceived still today.   The deceptions of the one Scripture calls the Deceiver were first revealed to us in the opening pages of the Bible – in Genesis 2.   His deceptions continue today in so many ways and places, and yet we are called as Jomes wonderfully reminds us, to receive the good and perfect gift, coming down from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation.

 We are to be receivers of the One, who’s birth we celebrate on December 25th – Jesus, The Christ, our Lord, our Savior and Redeemer.  He IS the Word of Truth, casting out “relativity “ and “political correctness”.   He IS the one who provides certainty in absolutes, while giving us the choice while here on earth to choose or reject Him.   Peter declares in the book of Acts:  "And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved."

Beyond our acknowledging Him in our hearts and publically, we are given the incredible opportunity to choose to live our lives either with His guidance as testimony to his saving love, or, just caring for ourselves without Him in our daily lives.   Many will make the latter choice, but we, His children, born in the Spirit of His redemptive love can choose to live as James says:

 But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves.  For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror;  for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.   But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

 May your Christmas celebration truly be a celebration of your oneness in Christ, and your year ahead be filled with opportunities to share the hope in Christ you have with many.   What a blessing we receive as we ABIDE in Christ.

There comes a time in life when we finally get it...when, in the midst of all our fear, that the still small voice that has whispered to us year after year is heard and our heart, mind and soul scream - STOP!   We've had enough battles for a lifetime, and the struggle to cope is just too great.   Then, when we're all cried out and the sobbing subsides, we open our eyes wide and begin to look at God through new eyes.  This is our hour of learning, of awakening - our surrender to God.  The heart and eyes of even those of us who have believed in Him for decades is struck anew as He begins His work on our heart, so that we listen to Him more fully, at last.

We realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness and security to come like a ship over the horizon.    We come to terms with the fact that we are not James Bond, Superman, Billy Graham,  a Hilton,  Rockefeller,  Wonder Woman, or Mother Teresa, and that in the real world there aren't fairy tale or fantasy endings.    We learn that any real "happily ever after" must begin with our surrender to God...and we find peace and joy are born there alone.   It is here that God can speak into our life, and transform it from the meaningless, to the meaningful - to the life we were meant to live from before the foundation of the universe.  It's here that we investigate and invest in the goodness of a loving Lord, and allow Him to resolve the crisis of faith we've been living for years on end.

We awaken to the fact that we are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what we are.    And that's OK.  God loves us unconditionally, and there is nothing - no nothing,  you or I can do to increase or decrease His love for us.  Others are entitled to their own views and opinions.  They are no more or no less of value than we are - and both we and they could be accurate or inaccurate in any given circumstance.

We learn the importance of loving and caring for ourselves as God directs; and a sense of new-found confidence is born in our God given identity and His acceptance and approval.    We stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did or didn't do to us or for us, and learn that the only thing we can really count on beyond the unexpected - is God.

We learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for us and that life is really not about us in the first place.  It slowly dawns on us that God's word and work stand, and that He has shown in the creation that He means what He says, and if we'll trust Him, He is always there for us.  

Somewhere along the line we grapple with the truth found in the third line of the 23rd Psalm - that truth brings the reality that God will indeed restore us if we let Him.  He'll give us a path of righteousness, if we listen to Him, that is so different than the one we've been on.   AND we discover that life is not centered around us - it's for His glory, not man's, that we were created for in the first place. 

We discover that the old adage to be true -  "Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled". So, we learn to listen for His still small voice, and to trust Him; standing at first on wobbly feet, understanding that we are responsible for our self care, but that He will take ultimate care of us - and that others have not been given that task.   When we let Him guide us to that self-care, we find the real safety and security, born of God-reliance that we tried so long to manufacture by our own strength and will.

We learn how to stop judging and pointing fingers and begin to accept people as they are and to overlook what we once saw only as shortcomings and human frailties, and now often see as mere differences,  and our hearts are given a sense of peace and contentment out of forgiveness.  After all, God has forgiven us - who then are we to say He's not able to do that.   And, since His forgiveness is available to all who come to Christ, how can we refuse to accept others and not give the same to them.

We realize that much of the way we view ourself, and the world around us, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained from childhood by family, friends, teachers, leaders and society as a whole.  Yes, we begin to recognize and admit that we bought into some lies, because they were presented as truth at the time - and we've never gone back to challenge what we learned. 

We begin to see that God's truth is the ONLY truth that is reliable, so we begin to search the Bible for it. And we begin to sift through all the junk we've been fed by society about "shoulds", like how we should behave, how we should look, how much we should weigh - shoulds regarding career choices, our living style, our relationships and things we've thought we should be 'entitled' to.   And we discover that God's Word has not been silent on any of that - in fact the Bible is filled with things that affect the intimate details of life itself - our life!   

We learn to open up to new worlds from God's point of view.  It dawns on us that there is a big difference between doing the right things and being the kind of person who would choose to do the right things.   We begin reassessing and redefining who we are and what we really stand for.  We discover the truth and deeper meaning of what the bible says about God adopting us into His family, knowing us before the universe was created, forming us in our mothers womb, declaring us a saint, and  giving us an eternal inheritance in heaven, the place of our citizenship.   We are NOT what we do for a living, or what others say about us, we are a child of the King of Kings, a brother or sister to every other follower of Christ, and as such can relate as brothers and sisters were designed to relate.

We learn the difference between wanting and needing and begin to discard the doctrines and values that are not biblically defendable, and that we should never have bought into to begin with, and we learn to go with what we learn in Scripture instead of those things we once thought were important.   We learn that it is truly in giving, that we receive, and that we cannot outgive God.  And there is peace and joy in creating and contributing, so we stop maneuvering through life merely as a taker.

We decide that in order to know Truth as God has revealed it, we must spend time each day in the balm and nurture of His Word - the Bible.  So we begin to read Paul's Epistles, and discover new things every day that lead us deeper into God's Truth.   We study a Proverb a day, and find insights to living life in a world that hates God, and thus hates us....and we relish the opportunity when asked to share with others what gives us hope - hope that is visible to them.

We learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the God given mortar that holds together the foundation upon which we must build a life and a society.  We learn that we don't know everything; never will, and that's as God intended it.   It begins to dawn on us that the lesson Job learned about who he was before a Holy and just God is no different than who we are before that God today.   He reveals that we were given life to bring glory to the Son of God and share the hope of Christ in our heart as others ask what makes us different  

We learn that the only cross to bear is the one we choose to carry that God has ordained, and that some become martyrs and get burned at the stake.  Incredibly, we see that those martyrs in Christ can do so with love and forgiveness in their heart and on their lips - as Christ modeled for us on the cross.   Unlike the Muslim suicide bombers who die with hate in their heart and thinking it is their way to their individual glory,  it is in lovingly living out of the obedience to God's biblical commands that brings Him glory - not us.  We begin to yearn for the kind of faith that does good things, not evil or without purpose; faith that builds love and hope, not death and destruction.

And we learn about love.  How to love, how to give love, how to receive love, and when to walk away. We learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.  We learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as we would have them be.   We stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes, and learn that alone does not mean lonely. 

We also stop working so hard at putting our feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring our needs.  We learn that feelings of entitlement are not God's way....that His way is a humbled and forgiving heart.  We learn too that it is reasonable, but not a right, to ask for the things we want, but that making demands is not God's way.  We come to the realization that we deserve condemning judgment for our sin but that Christ has paid the penalties for our sin and offers instead love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self control and faithfulness.

We learn that our body really is a temple; begin to care for it and treat it with respect.  We begin to eat a more balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.   We learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so we take more time to rest.  We come to the realization that God's love is bigger than our doubt, and, just as food fuels the body, the Word of God fuels our soul.  So we engage in regular meditation of the things we read in the Bible, and memorize passages of it to sustain us in our busy day. 

We also take more time to laugh and to play.   We learn that, instead of getting what we deserve, we've been given a new life - a life in Christ - and we want to spend it giving back to Him while we are still here on earth. We discover a hunger to live out the great commandment found in Matthew 22:37-38 - "to love the Lord our God with all your heart, soul and mind."  In hearing God's still small voice, we also begin to comprehend the 'how' to live the second commandment - "to love our neighbor as ourself."

We learn that anything worth achieving is worth working hard for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.  More importantly, we learn that in order to achieve something we need direction, discipline and perseverance, along with God's blessing.  We also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.  We learn the only thing we must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself.   So we step right into and through our fears knowing that whatever happens God can handle it and to give in to fear is to give up on living.    We learn to charge ahead in living in the abundance of God's grace and mercy and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.   We learn that life isn't always fair, we don't always get what we think we deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.  On these occasions we learn not to personalize things, and we trust God even more.

We learn that God isn't punishing us or failing to answer our prayers.  It's just life happening, and that Romans 8:28 about "all things working together for good to those who love God and who are called according to His purpose" is true because we do love the Lord, and we ARE called according to His purpose.   And we learn to deal with our ego and pride.   We also learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will put a barrier between ourselves and God.

We learn to swallow hard and admit when we are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.  We learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we have taken for granted.    And we pray and search for like minded individuals who will hold us accountable for our words and actions, and we dive deep into God's word to grow - recognizing that life is a marvelous journey and that we can awaken every day in the future, eager to see what God will do in and with our day.